Life is a bowl of cherries.

Friday, February 23, 2007

It can't get any better than this!

Last night, just as my eyes were slinking back under my eyelids for a final doze before bedtime, the remote control flicker (RCF) pulled up the last hour or so of BEN HUR. How could I not sit there for another 45 minutes watching Charleton Heston kick that Roman guy's rear-end in the best chariot race ever to grace the big screen? It all began with Ben arranging to race in the big event. The Roman guy appeared just in time to showcase his new wheels--a set of "chariot cutters" that he got at their their version of E-BAY. Sure enough, this cheater took a couple of guys out of the race and it boiled right down to Ben Hur and the Roman cheater. Nip and tuck, tuck and nip! Then that spoil-sport started beating Ben Hur with a whip! The crowd roared with disapproval. In time, Ben got the whip away from him and whatever-it-was took place to make the Roman guy lose control of his chariot and get smacked by a couple of lingering racers wiping up the rear. How he wishes now he had not cheated! He was dragged for a while. Then he was trampled a bit and remained alive just long enough to see Ben drive by in the winning chariot and then taken into a gladiator holding place where Ben came in and lorded his victory over the dying man. A classic!
They just don't have chariot races like that any more do they?

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Some things you should know about me.

1. I prefer black licorice over red.
2. I prefer red licorice to beets.
3. Beets make me gag.
4. The strangest thing I ever ate was turtle.
5. When I was a boy, I watched a guy slaughter a hog and I still remember thinking it was cool.
6. I wanted a motorcycle as a kid, but was afraid to ask for one.
7. I was the class clown.
8. I never had warm gloves as a kid.
9. The first time I ever fired a real gun was in second grade. There were no adults around.
10. I prefer all cotton shirts with button-down collars.
11. I buzzed my hair off in high school just to be different.
12. I did not get straight A's my freshman year in college.
13. I burned my hand as a kid whilst playing around with branding irons.
14. I learned how to swear from my brother Mike.
15. My favorite book as a kid was Tarzan of the Apes.
16. I will never buy an auto with cloth seats again.
17. I always worried about who our children would marry.
18. I do not worry about who my children married.
19. One year, I read the Book of Mormon sixteen times just to see how many times I could.
20. I have fear that I will not be first for something.
21. My wife is the best grandmother in the world.
22. I don't think I have ever gone to a movie alone.
21. I have never been stung by a bee.
22. I never had a new bicycle until Brooke bought one for me.
23. When I first get into the ocean, I always think how many people have died in the water.
24. I never sleep on my stomach.
25. If I drank a glass of milk, then wanted water, it would not bother me to not rinse the glass.
26. I can count on one hand the times I have used a public toilet. I think they are filthy.
27. One of those times was in the Ladies room at the SLC airport.
28. It was a mistake, not a planned event.
29. I once mistook horseradish for sour cream at a business luncheon and ate a whole baked potato with horseradish so that no one knew of it.
30. I still have a pocket watch that my grandpa gave me when I was about nine years old.
31. I have more hair than both my brothers put together.
32. That is not saying much.
33. I thought I had a nice singing voice until we got a Karaoke system.
34. Unfortunately, I like to be the center of attention and it embarrasses my wife.
35. Las Vegas does nothing for me.
36. I was a good missionary.
37. I once won a ride in an airplane for something I did in scouting.
38. I hated scouting other than that.
39. If I had to choose the one person in the world to pray for me, it would be my wife Brooke.
40. I once threw a rock at a ground squirrel and it vomited up cantaloupe seeds when I hit it.
41. I prefer stream fishing over lake fishing.
42. I am a gizmo guy. I like all kinds of gizmos.
43. I am interested in a whole lot of things, but I do not have much knowledge of anything.
44. From the first day I started in the insurance business, I have never thought about changing.
45. My favorite kind of pen is and always be a fountain pen with a broad nib.
46. I never learned to program a VCR.
47. When I got my first BBQ, Brooke had to put it together because I hate reading instructions.
48. I prefer to buy things assembled.
49. If I had a pigeon in my yard, I would not hesitate to shoot it.
50. On Saturdays, I prefer not to wear socks.
51. I find it difficult to believe that a person sweats a cup of water through their feet each day.
52. My mom was the one that instilled within me a desire to seek the gospel truths.
53. I once sat next to Richard G. Scott in the temple and gave him the armrest between seats.
54. I cannot listen to any kind of music for too long a time.
55. CB radios intrigued me, but I never could think up a good "handle" for myself.
56. If I got a dreaded disease, I would probably want to know about it when I had just a very short time to live.
57. I think I would never have the guts to go skydiving.
58. I am glad that I never served in the military.
59. I was in the hospital once and it was so boring, I read the same book three times. (State Fair)
60. When the movie SHANE comes on, I always try to watch it because it was my dad's favorite movie.
61. Sometimes I think about my little sister and wonder what she was thinking when she pulled out in front of a big truck and lost her life.
62. More than once, I have asked the Lord to take my life in trade for something that I wanted badly for one of my family members.
63. I would rather be half an hour early than one minute late.
64. There is nobody I know who has a memory for the mundane that is better than mine is.
65. When I die, if I have the respect of my kids, that is good enough for me.
66. I made the hundreth point in a basketball game when I was in high school.
67. Out of respect for my wife, I reserve eating sardines for when I am camping.
68. If you need a guy to go with you camping just to cook on a dutch oven, I am your man.
69. I could never figure out how they got those little ships in a bottle.
70. I can stare at a fire, at rain, or at a grandchild and you'd think I was in a trance.
71. If I were in a movie and they told me "wait right here", I would not wait right there.
72. I could probably eat sandwiches three meals a day.
73. My favorite breakfast is soft-boiled eggs over toast.
74. I once won a trophy for public speaking.
75. If a strange person borrowed by comb or nail clippers, I would not ask for them back.
76. If my wife passed away, I would not remarry...I am a one-woman man.
77. I was always afraid I would get hit in the head with a hard ball.
78. Having an animal in my house is unsettling to me.
79. Before 2007 is over, I would like to prepare and serve a "seafood or crab boil".
80. If I were an archer, I would prefer the longbow to the compound bow.
81. Since I met my wife Brooke, I have eschewed Jerry Lewis movies out of respect for her.
82. I may annoy my daughter, but I have always tried to breathe out of my nose.
83. I hope nobody ever gives me opera tickets.
84. I hate the sensation of getting my teeth polished.
85. I would have a hard time washing someone else's feet.
86. I consider video games a monumental waste of time.
87. Every now and then, you need a real good chili dog.
88. Chocolate milk made with non-fat milk is chocolate water in my view.
89. I have always taken pride in doing things the hard way.
90. I love cutting wood with a chain-saw, but I usually end up bleeding in some way.
91. My top drawer has a number of useless things in it, but I would not want to toss them away.
92. When I am in very, very crowded group of people, I try to fold my arms to avoid touching othes on the rear end.
92. I have about a hundred jokes that my family has heard a million times.
93. I took the cap off our little steam-cleaning machine too early and got a faceful of hot water that made me wonder how stupid I really am.
94. I would have been a lousy woodworker.
95. If I had the guts, I would wear my hair even shorter than I do now.
96. People say you shouldn't stare. I do anyway.
97. If I needed to use the bathroom and was locked out of the house....I would not hesitate to go outdoors.
98. In the past, when I tried to communicate with a deaf person, I found myself speaking Spanish to if that would somehow help!
99. I will not make any promises about coming up with a hundred thing list again.
100. My favorite express is now and has been for a long time...SHEESH!